Name Changing Game Changers

Before turning 18 I had sex only once and given head to like three guys when I as 15-16, so I was pretty inexperienced and still am. The stress of having severe Depersonalization and Derealization along with being bipolar, undiagnosed at the time, made me afraid to leave my house. I graduated high school a semester early and the day after I locked myself away for five months, afraid to look outside. The hardest thing I have ever done was take a step outside. With basically all of my teenage years swallowed by mental illness I was quite happy when I realized boys would take me places whenever I liked. I'm not talking about buying me dinner because I almost always paid for my own food and sometimes theirs. I'm talking about taking me on a ride at 5am because I desperately needed out of the house. I craved the adrenaline rush I found with sneaking out, staying out, and having sex. This is a classic sign of Bipolar Disorder, but since I hadn't been diagnosed yet I thought it was just me living my teen years while I could. Now I will tell you the stories of these men from my 18th birthday to my current boyfriend, Andy. All names have been changed except Andy 'cause he said it's k.

Tanner, the ex

Tanner was the love of my life, or so I thought when I was sixteen. The nerdiest of nerds and the king of assholes. I was super depressed and after six months of dating he broke up with me for the love of his life, or so he thought, Destiny. I hated the chick, I still hate her but for completely different reasons, and it was an extra stab in the back. Whenever I thought about the situation I always got upset. Even after two years had past and Tanner and I became friends, it was still a tender spot with me. After Destiny broke up with him for being depressed, and subsequently proceeded to fail at being a decent person, he got with an adorable girl, Faith. I never knew Faith or spoke with her because of the pain I still held in my heart, but she seemed sweet and I was really happy for her and Tanner. So when I started flirting with him after he had gone away to college I felt bad about it. Of course I still did it and when he came home for the summer we went to the local Mexican restaurant here I paid for the meal. While we were eating and talking, Faith called crying because she thought her cat was dying. The cat is fine, so don't worry about that. He pretended to be concerned while looking at me with a smile on his face and told her he was still at his house and would be over in a while since his house is 20+ minutes away. I felt bad for Faith and was worried about her cat, so I told him we should probably leave.

He broke up with her a few days later and we were flirting again. At about 3 in the morning he made me walk two blocks in the dark to his car because he was afraid of my parents seeing us. He drove us to the Wal-mart parking lot here he climbed in the backseat and took his pants off. The sight of this boy with his kegs open in the backseat of a car made me laugh way to hard. I'm not sure why, but he reminded me of a slug. I give him the quickest blowjob ever and then he offers me a nearly empty bottle of water from the floor to get the taste of dick out of my mouth. Thanks.

Josh, the activist

I learned about “Netflix and Chill” after it happened to me. When I first started using Facebook for the purposes of sharing my liberal agenda I received a friends request from Josh who was in the same local group for Bernie Sanders. Vote for Bernie! We talked for a bit and when he asked if I wanted to come over and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show I said “Hells yeah.” We got some tacos from Taco Bell and went back to his house where his bed was super soft and had so many pillows. If he hadn't have been there it would have been heaven. When Eddie started singing he started feeling up on me and I was disappointed to be having sex while RHPS was on. After he rolled off of me we didn't finish the movie. After a restless night of scanning his pillows, because that's what being a cashier does to you, he woe me up at 8'o'clock telling me I had to go home. When I wake myself up at anytime before noon I'm mad, so having him wake me up and tell me I had to go made me royally pissed. Of course I went over again because pillows and Netflix and AGAIN he woke me up. He recently blocked me on Snapchat because I asked him not to send me pictures of his boner in his boxers. Can you not?

Peter, the brother

When I would go over to Tanner's house his older brother didn't give me a second glance; which is completely okay since I was 15 and he was 20. But when I right swiped his picture of Tinder to see what would happen we started talking and I eventually went to his house. There really isn't much to say about Peter since he was really nice to me. The best part about this is that I can tell people I slept with Tanner's brother and he wasn't an asshole.

Ethan, the cheater.

This story starts my freshman year of high school in French class. There was this super cute sophmore boy who was awesome at speaking French. His senior girlfriend was in our class, so I never really spoke to him. When I did talk to him it was on Facebook and when I attempted to flirt he would talk about how great his girlfriend was. I didn't like her. I found her ugly (yes, I was petty then) and she was friends with Destiny. We stopped talking until I messaged him one day after Tanner and I had broken up. Ethan and his girlfriend now had a son. Again we stopped talking. A few months ago w got back in touch over Facebook. In that time he had gone to jail and had a daughter with his girlfriend. We arranged to meet at a local park to just hang out. From our previous conversations and how he was still with the same girl I assumed it would actually be to talk. At first we talked like old friends, then on to how I had been flirting with him all those years ago and he admitted to not realizing it. I let him look through my phone and at my pictures. I'm a 19-year-old who takes nudes, sue me. We ended up having sex on a trail near the park after it was dark and no one was around. When we were done we got back up on the trail and he was going to walk me to where someone could pick me up. We saw someone coming up the trail, but it's not unusual for people to walk there late at night. When the girl walking down the trail yelled his name, shit hit the fan.

The girl was none other than, you guessed it, his girlfriend. Let's call her Ashley. I'm a few feet away from them as she's yelling about what she had read in our messages as if I wasn't standing there. They walk away with her screaming and him trying to explain himself. I sat down on a bench, alone in the dark and cried. I learned later that the reason she was talking to me as if I wasn't there was because he told her I was someone else. My profile picture at the time was of me in my work uniform and I had been in my uniform and my large, hipterish glasses with her boyfriend in the middle of the night. Okay. He apologized for leaving me alone. Now most people would have stopped talking to him way before this, but I continued because the adrenalin I got from all of this was making me feel. Everyone who met him in that time told me to stay away from him, that he was a loser or no good. I knew that. But I was no good either. I would text him through a texting app where he had the number down as a friend of his. We continued to have sex and hang out, I even met his daughter. To deter suspicion away from me I started to befriend his girlfriend. I justified this by thinking she was a terrible person and therefore deserved this. She still is a terrible person, as is he, but she did not deserve what he did with me and other girls. He even promised to leave her after she was done paying his parole or something since he didn't have a job.

All was going as planned when he invited me to come to a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament thing at the local comic store. I walked in and was surprised to see some familiar faces, so I pulled up a chair next to Ethan and watched. A very loud guy wearing a “Vote for Batman” t-shirt was clearly very into the game as he yelled obscenities and threats. His name was Andy. Everyone was enjoying themselves, but I knew they were wondering why I was there. Andy came to play with Ethan and he was super nice and funny. When Ethan went to another table to play someone else I stayed with Andy. When we went to eat Andy gave me a ride, forcing his friend into the backseat so I could have the front. At Wendy's I sat and talked with Andy as if Ethan wasn't there because it was like he wasn't. When I got home I saw Andy had sent me a friend's request and I immediately accepted it and asked if he played Hearthstone. He did and we played and just had fun. Ethan texted me saying Andy liked me. I could tell he did and the problem was I liked him too. The next day he bought me tacos at the Mexican place and stole my heart. That night he kissed me and I went home and told Ethan. He suggested that I use Andy as a cover. I couldn't do that, but I also wasn't completely sure on what exactly I wanted.

At the time I was living with my uncle who can't hold his liquor. We went out to do karaoke a few nights later and he was so drunk that I know I couldn't have done anything for him. I was so mad at him that I would have probably left him in the car. I asked Andy if he would come over and he agreed. As I was driving home I went over how I was going to confess. When I got home there was a message from Ashley asking if I knew anything about the mysterious (my) number on Ethan's phone. I confessed. I confessed to everything. In an ignorance that only she can be blamed for she only believed I was texting him and that he had never had an affair with me even though there was a plethora of proof. Andy arrived and I was a sobbing on the floor having a mental breakdown. Everything that had happened with all of these people came crashing down on me at once and I hated myself. I was afraid that he would think I had confessed only because I had been caught, which was not the case. He held me as I cried. I didn't talk to Ethan or Ashley again.

Andy, the boyfriend

Two months has felt like a blissful eternity. I argue with him about how Batman could cure world hunger and be an actual hero but instead he just beats up criminals. Our ugly puppy who just peed on our mattress is cuddled up next to me as I write. Life has it's ups and downs and being bipolar certainly doesn't help. But having someone love you and understand your plight certainly does. Andy and I met under crazy circumstances and we still deal with crazy shit daily, but we do it together and with love. I have never met a kinder man.

What I want my readers to understand is not that you need a boyfriend or that you can't go out and have sex. What I'm saying is life is crazy hard and completely unexpected. You need to hang on until good comes from the bad and I promise it will.